


Couch Popato

by We All Fall Eventually (RavenZaphara)



Category: Underfrick - Fandom, Undertail - Fandom
Genre: (i know this is late and im so sorry friendo), Alcohol, Blow Job, Couch Sex, Ecto-Penis (Undertale), Friends to Lovers, Gift Fic, Hand Job, Happy Birthday Riley!, M/M, Smut, Stand-alone oneshot, amab reader, get drunks with sans, male reader - Freeform, my first amab reader, not related to soul-searcher or aus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 07:42:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9169141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenZaphara/pseuds/We%20All%20Fall%20Eventually
Summary: (NSFW!)You and Sans have been friends for a while now, but due to long distance, you've never met in person. One lazy day, when you didn't feel like changing out of your pajamas, the unexpected happens. And then the more unexpected happens.(Birthday Gift for my precious friend and adopted son EuleVix. If you want male!reader/sans, go read his stuff!)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EuleVix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EuleVix/gifts).



> I know I've been working on this forever, but I got it, right? 
> 
> Trigger Warning for Alcohol use and sexy times

“You’re shitting me, right?” You asked. “Dude, that’s a fucked up joke, I’m not even playing.”

“i’m outside your house.” The familiar voice in your phone sounded sincere but--

“I’m not falling for it.”

“knock knock.”

“Fuck you.”

There was a knock at your door and you jumped. The couch had swallowed you and the force of your jump made you feel like you strained something. “No way, dude. No fucking way. I would sooner believe you ordered me a pizza than…” You trailed off as you fought gravity and won, finally standing up.

“well on a technicality, i guess.”

You got to the door without incident, luckily, but you hesitated, hand over the knob. After a pause. “Please tell me this isn’t a joke or a dream.”

When he spoke, you heard it in the receiver but also behind the door. “it’s no **fibula**. open the damn door before the pizza gets cold.”

You laughed with no small amount of incredulity and wrenched the door open. "Huh. You’re shorter than I imagined." You breathed, moving forward.

"fuck you. no room to talk." He bit back with a smile, moving the pizza aside to let you tackle him in a hug.

You laughed, bending a bit to bury your face in the fluff of his hood as you squeezed him.

“c’mon kid, we got beers to drink, pizza to eat--”

“I don’t have any beer though…”

“i got you covered.” He said. “gotta let me go though.”

“Just a minute.” You said. You’d been waiting over a year to do this. When he and you had started talking you had never considered that he would be up for the trip here. It wasn’t a matter of hours but _days_ worth of travel, and without warning, here he was.

You were still half convinced this was an elaborate joke. Or a cruel dream. You’d been having those for months now. When had the deep friendship turned into a crush? You weren’t sure, but you knew it was bad when you couldn’t even go outside without wanting to send him pictures of the sky.

And then you started having sex dreams, too.

 _This is not a good time to remember those!_ You screamed internally.

“you okay, kid?”

 _Jesus fucking christ his voice sounds so much deeper in person._ You were frozen there, still grappling him, fighting your erection. And your mortification. But mostly the boner.

If you pulled away, would he see that you were at least half hard? Would he know what that meant? Fuck, you had to think fast and get him to not speak so softly in your ear again.

“I’m fine.” You squeaked. “Just never expected you to show up.”

“heh c’mon, let’s go inside. if you’re gonna hold me can we do that on the couch?”

“Oh, fuck I’m sure you’re exhausted.” You said and pulled back and turned quickly. Leading him inside, you finally processed the rest of what he said and choked on your breath. The idea of holding him on the couch…

“pizza.” He said, offering it to you. “i’ll be right back with the beer.”

You turned to grab the pizza box, and he disappeared from your sight immediately. You stared, slack jawed-- and then he was back, holding a case of something you didn’t recognize. He looked around while you continued to gape at him. “nice place by the way. can this go on your coffee table?”

That spurred you into motion, and you stumbled on words as you led him to the couch and coffee table. You felt like your house was strange territory now that he was here. Everything felt new-- and finally you could speak coherently.

“What was that?”

“what was what?”

“Where did you go? How?”

He shrugged and sat down, sinking into the couch, his sockets closing in bliss. “ahhhhh, nice and comfy.” He cracked a socket open and grinned at you. “i’m **sofa king** ready to eat. how ‘bout you?”

You knew he was deflecting, but over the last year you discovered it wasn’t always just a sign that he wanted to keep his secrets-- just that it was too much to explain and he didn’t want to put the effort forth at the moment.

You sat down next to him and he pulled two bottles from the case he’d put on the coffee table. You’d seen this display of magic before so it didn’t startle you so much as whatever that had been earlier.

He passed you a bottle and you stared at it. Just as you were about to ask what it was, he spoke. "had grillbz order it special. ya said you can handle liquor pretty well, thought i’d test you."

Hmm that would worry you if it was anyone but Sans. You wrenched the lid off and the smell made you cough. Morbid curiosity led you to sniff the bottle’s opening and you were shocked that past the palpable bitterness was something warm and-- possibly sweet?

You hummed and took a cautious--eh, perhaps _hasty_ is the better word-- chug of the drink. The flavors were confusing at first, a heady mixture of things that shouldn't go well together. It was dizzying and you took another punishing gulp of it, savoring the wildness.

He was watching you, and now he couldn't help but chuckle at your reactions. He couldn't find anything to say, so he quietly snagged a slice of pizza and continued to observe you.

Whatever this stuff was, it was potent. You needed to pace yourself. Already, after just the one bottle, you were tipsy. This was a new experience for you and it was actually a bit frightening.

Following his lead, you began to eat. Finally he spoke again, cracking his own bottle and downing it in a single motion. "considered getting a none pizza with left beef but decided to get something we'd actually eat."

You almost choked on the pizza and thought briefly to throw something at him.

"so what do you think?"

"Ten of ten, would choke on again." You laughed.

You both talked, drank, laughed until the evening wore on. You avoided drinking enough to really interfere with your good mood, and so the rest ended up in the fridge and you sat there with him, never quite lapsing fully into silence. It was odd. Even with how much the two of you had talked before, it seemed like there was always more to say, always something inspired bubbling from you at any moment.

He told an atrocious pun that you told yourself you'd remember forever from how bad it was-- but now, thinking back, you can't recall. Probably because it was followed by him grappling you and hauling you closer, laughing just loud enough for the rumble of his voice to make your skin tingle.

You were just drunk enough to not fall into an anxious heap, instead nuzzling into him like a large, adorably awkward cat. He pressed his face to your temple and sighed contentedly.

"So what do you think?" You slurred very slightly.

"heh." He held you a bit tighter. "ten out of ten, would kiss again."

You looked at him like hed grown an extra limb. "Dude, you didn't kiss me, though." Had that been what he was doing a second ago? He didn't have lips so how the fuck would you know?

His voice dipped deeper, and you felt your brain desert you. "oh, is that right?" His face was so close, and oh god this was--

You damn near headbutted him, pressing your lips to his teeth and throwing your arms around his neck. His arms tightened around you again until you felt so pleasantly constricted.

His tongue shouldn't have been a surprise. You'd heard him talk about it. Hed sent pictures of himself with it hanging out when you accused him of lying. But feeling the slickness of it against your lips as his teeth parted made you gasp.

Fuck, though, this was fucking amazing.

You sucked on his tongue and let your fingers trespass beyond his jacket, brushing his ribs through the dark tank top within. He made a low, breathy sound against your mouth.

Emboldened and still very much tipsy, you squirmed to sit in his lap, managing to sit astride him in the process. It was even better, you felt. It meant you could feel the conjuration of his desire against you, and you moaned at the sensation. Your moan turned into a sputtering laugh against his mouth and he drew back to look at you. " **Sans** ation." You muttered.

He nodded, too hungry to properly enjoy the pun, and he grabbed at your hair, bending your head to the side to press what could pass for a kiss to your neck. You arched as the gentleness gave way to a tentative bite. "ah, fuck." He groaned when your movement made him aware of your full-on erection.

"Sorry--ah!" Your apology was cut off by him palming your cock through the pajama pants you'd worn all day.

He growled against your neck. "dont apologize for this." He shifted, and suddenly was looming over you, and you lay on your back, upper back propped upon the arm rest. You didn't look away from his sockets.

God, how could a skull be so emotive and--

He pushed your t shirt up and admired your chest. "only fair, heh… you seemed to enjoy mine. that being said..." he pinched your nipples and you yelped. "sorry. they're weird. what the fuck are they?”

"Dont bullshiiiii--!" He leaned down and licked at the one hed punished the most and you lost your train of thought. _This fucker!_ You screamed internally.

"heh, you’re right. I know."

 _Damn right he does._ You couldn't help but appraise the sight of him. His hands drifted down, shucking you of your pants and boxers in a single go and you gulped. _Just how far is he gonna go?!_

He pressed a kiss to your hipbone and you couldn't help but squirm. He chuckled and nibbled the area in response. The vibrations of his voice were so close to your crotch that you couldn't help but whimper.

He definitely noticed that and his grin almost appeared lopsided. The way he glanced up at your face while he moved further down, his tongue’s serpentine tip peeking from between his parted jaws-- it filled you with… Anticipation!

It was so odd to feel skeletal fingers wrap around your cock, but it wasn’t nearly as startling as the realization that Sans’s tongue was fucking _long_. He lapped from base to tip before curling it around, just below the head, the tip flickering unrelentingly against the glans. You almost began to thrash from the abrupt overstimulation, but he held you down with one hand on your hip, his sockets lidded, the pinpricks within bright and attentive on your face.

He was looking for any sign that he should stop, you knew, and you didn’t want him to stop. However, you couldn’t really form words at the moment. Any attempt became a yelp or whimper. He’d reduced you to a literal horndog. Fuck, you hoped you remembered that pun for later.

His mouth descended upon your cock, taking it to the hilt, and you were shocked that there wasn’t just empty skull in there. Whatever it was felt like a mouth. A hot, wet mouth and--

“Holy fuck.” You could barely breathe. And then, when you thought you had regained your head, he chuckled, his mouth constricting around your cock as he drew up, and you had to stifle a scream. You would have had a million questions, would say a million things, if you weren’t absolutely disheveled and undone at the moment.

You barely managed to rein in the worst possible thing to say when someone’s blowing you, though, and that was a blessing. Eh, well, maybe not the worst thing, but it would mean he’d stop and you’d either have to play it off as a joke or he’d just… leave.

Saying “I love you” wasn’t the best approach to moments like these, but it was all you could summon to your mind as you sat there, watching him swallow your cock, bobbing up and down on it, using teeth at just the right times.

Fuck, but you were already close. You couldn’t speak anything beyond a broken plea of his name, hands desperately seeking purchase on his shoulders. You tried to warn him, you tried to push him away! He growled around your cock and thrust you in to the hilt, holding your hips still, swallowing around you as you sobbed from your climax.

He made sure you were clean, but was careful not to overstimulate you. When he released you, he did so with a satisfied sigh, his crooked grin leaving you breathless.

 _When will my breath return from the war, Sans?_ You thought without irritation as he once again loomed over you. He kissed you passionately, desperately, and you remembered that he was still hard as well. Your hand drifted down, working under his shorts. He gasped against your mouth and you renewed your vigor.

He pulled away to look at you, as if to ask if you were sure you wanted to do this, and it struck you then. How amazing, how sudden this all was. Your gaze softened and you pulled him closer to kiss him again. He noticed the change but he didn't freeze up. In fact, he seemed more eager than ever.

It gave you a sense of hope that you desperately tried to bury.

Your wrist found a rhythm that made him work his hips in time to your movements. Before long, he was panting against your mouth, and your other hand tugged at the hem of his tank top, pulling it up to reveal the empty space where his abdomen would be. Your fingers played at the inner workings of his pelvis, and you were going entirely by guesswork.

At first, there wasn’t much reaction, but there was a place that, when your fingertips ghosted over lightly, his hips twitched and he took a sharp gasp. You smiled against his mouth and touched more firmly. The resulting groan was satisfying enough, but you pushed further, raking your nails on the area and he choked on his voice. His hips froze except for twitching, but your hand didn’t halt its movements.

“god-- _hhhhg_!” His arms almost gave out, and you felt him finish, the resulting sticky warmth splattering all over your chest and stomach. He was gasping and panting, shaking, and then, when his sockets opened at last after being so tightly clenched shut, he chuckled.

He looked so tired, and you couldn’t help but laugh too. He grabbed the paper towels that you’d gotten to get grease from the pizza off of you, and began cleaning you up. Admittedly, he wasn’t doing a very good job of it, but he was doing good to not just pass out on top of you, honestly.

Should you ask him to stay the night? Would he want to?

He finally got you as clean as he could and then leaned down to kiss you. “fuck i’m tired.”

“You… can stay if you want?” You said, trying not to sound too hopeful. He settled his face on your shoulder and wrapped his arms around your back.

“hmmm good ‘cause i’m not leaving.” He paused after a moment. “fuck, i don’t think i can take a shortcut to your bed right now.”

 _Shortcuts, huh? Is that what he calls that?_ “Couch is good too.” You said, and he hummed in response. “I don’t wanna move either.”

“i’ve been waiting months for this.” He barely breathed the words.

Your heart was hammering. Did he know how those words damn near killed you? Was this some trick? “H… hah… I hope it was… worth the wait.” You said at last, unsure and vulnerable after everything you’d both done tonight.

“you’re better than i ever imagined.” He said. “fuckin…. shouldn’t have been a coward and done this sooner. you’re just… awesome.”

You told yourself he was just talking about the sex. He would get tired like everyone else did eventually. You had to steel yourself for that.

Fuck. You couldn’t, could you?

“I… uh…” You trailed off.

“‘s ok. i’m scared to say it too.” He muttered. “if it’s what i think it is, i got you.”

What if it wasn’t though? Could you afford that level of miscommunication?

You exhaled shakily. This was _Sans_ you were talking about. If anything was wrong, he’d tell you. You two had worked through this whole running from problems thing, and agreed that it wasn’t a thing you had to do to each other.

You could trust Sans. You could be happy for now. You could do this.

He wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable or heavy as you figured he’d be, though what he did weigh was **dead** weight against your chest as he fell asleep on top of you. The sound of his deep, even breaths started to get to you almost immediately, and, after nuzzling into the comfortable fuzz of his jacket and wrapping your arms around him like an oddly-shaped body pillow, you allowed yourself to fall asleep feeling blissfully spent emotionally and physically.

Your back would hurt like fuck in the morning, but you had never felt so safe. And loved.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this, please consider checking out EuleVix's sans/reader fics, and perhaps mine too, if you're up to it! I'm still going strong with this fandom!


End file.
